#13) You don’t care if you end up in prison for cutting pillow tags.
#12) You wonder if the reason Rapunzel’s hair was so long was because she screamed at the hairdresser and her mother couldn’t take it.
#11) You seek out children with buzzcuts as playmates for your child because he doesn’t understand that hair pulling feels bad to most people.
#10) Putting on your child’s seatbelt counts as your daily cardio.
#9) Your child wears jogging pants to his First Communion.
#8) You equate Disney World with Hell.
#7) When your child is missing and the first place you look is on top of your refrigerator.
#6) Your son tells you the bug he ate was really crispy.
#5) You generously tip your child’s hairdresser — with Prozac.
#4) Your child goes to sleep with sweatpants, ski pants, snowmobile suit, and a full backpack and it’s the middle of summer.
#3) You carry ear protection meant for the shooting range in your diaper bag.
#2) You don’t care if your child looks like Edward Scisscorhands because you hate cutting their nails.
#1) You’re worried more about the sound of the fire alarm than the actual fire.