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Welcome to Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid

Therapy and sanity for ordinary parents of special kids.

10 Things You’d Thought You’d Never Say As a Parent

handbook
The Parental Handbook, the book all responsible new parents should follow,  is filled with all sorts of “typical” wisdom and phrases for raising responsible, kind, and healthy children (Note: we didn’t read it as we are waiting for the movie). Phrases that include:
 
“Eat your vegetables.”
 
“Make good choices.”
 
“Treat others as you would like to be treated.”
 
“Don’t talk to strangers.”
 
However, parents who are raising kids with differences sometimes find themselves doling out a different set of parental phrases. For example:
 
“Young lady, you had better finish eating all your ketchup sandwich if you want dessert.” 
 
“Remember, don’t spit out the Communion wafer. It’s a sin.”
 
“Can we please, please get cake on your birthday, son? I promise to be good.”
 
“Who chewed holes in my socks?”
 
“What do you mean you want to be a Disney princess for Halloween? Why can’t you wear a trampy outfit like all the other 17-year olds?”
 
“How many times do I have to nag you to take your drugs?”
 
“If you don’t start using your minutes on your cellphone, I’m taking it away from you.”
 
“Stop chewing our kitchen chairs! It’s not covered in the furniture protection policy.”
 
“Honey do you have any friends you want to invite over? I’d be happy to host a rager or something.”
 
“Kids, Daddy and I are taking a night for ourselves; we’re going to couple’s therapy.”
 
What say you?
Do you have a funny, “non-typical” parental phrase you’d like to share? Let’s hear it.
 
 

One Response to 10 Things You’d Thought You’d Never Say As a Parent

  1. Kate Armstrong December 6, 2016 at 4:12 pm #

    Please stop licking the car/ your brother/ your knees/ frost/ me.

    What do you mean ‘that time I realised I’d never fit through the cat flap’?

    Stop climbing their drainpipes.

    Sweetheart, I suspect your spirit animal is the whole zoo.

    Why is my camera full of close ups of your back teeth?

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