When I was a kid, I loved Halloween. Now that I’m an adult, I despise it. That’s because Halloween has become a major source of stress in my house. And as a working mother with two careers, two special needs children, two dogs, and two flights of stairs to vacuum, the last thing I need is more stress in my life.
I know, I know. I should like a holiday that brings such obvious joys to my two daughters and their dentist. (“Woohoo! The Gallagher kids have three cavities each. Let’s expand our office.”)
Here are just a few of the reasons I find Halloween hazardous to my health:
Tacky decorations. They say you don’t truly know someone until you live with them. This is certainly true in my case. Sure, I knew my husband of 19 years was a wonderful person who loved me. What I didn’t know is that he also had a burning love for tacky Halloween decorations. Each year, he and our girls go shopping for decorations together and fill my house with Halloween horrors. This year was no exception. One evening, I came home to find our nice family portrait replaced with a photo of some scary red-eyed vampire (it was no Edward Cullen) and my nice Southern Living candle centerpiece was replaced with a Not Living skull candelabra.
Outside, he filled the mulch beds with black cats and gravestones that quite honestly did not match our house).
He also had cobwebs placed in the corners of our family room, but for some reason (probably my lack of dusting skills), that didn’t bother me.
Costumes. I’ve said it before – Halloween is not for kids. It’s for trampy women looking for attention. Each year, I am amazed at the skimpiness of the costumes on the shelves – even the ones for children.
“How about this one, Mom?”
“That’s a very pretty cat costume Em if you were Jenna Jameson.”
What’s even worse is that my daughter is always trying to get me to dress up.
“Mom, please dress up with me!”
“Oh, Emmy, Mom’s not much into costumes.”
“But last year on your trip, you were a Heinken bottle and Aunt Patty was a daiquiri. I saw the pictures.”
Weight Gain Spiral. Halloween is the start of a very dangerous period for me – the season of weight gain. In starts off small with “Fun Size” Snickers. (Does anyone know how many Weight Watchers Points are in 35,000 of them) and goes right into the Christmas season.
This year, I’m planning to counter the weight gain with a return stint to Weight Watchers. But first I must lose 10 pounds.
Now that’s a scary thought.