Today, after finding her puppy, Candy, chewing on a new box of brand new Shut Up Industries’ business cards (sorry Patty), Gina was shocked to discover an article on the ways pets are beneficial to your health. Since Candy, the crazy cockapoo, arrived in Gina’s home, six months ago, Gina’s life span has been shortened by six years. Followers of this blog may recall that Candy is the dog who has maimed countless Barbie dolls, chewed the cord off a $150 flat iron, and swallowed endless homework assignments, including a Book Report (one of Gina’s finest pieces of work).
Candy has also put a tremendous strain on Gina’s marriage, and is the source of many spats. “Gene, I can’t believe you got a GPS chip put in her. There’s no point in me leaving the door open any more.”
Candy’s incessant, loud barking hasn’t been good for Gina’s home-based business either. “Look Gina, why don’t you call me back and interview me when you’re finished with the iditarod.”