To those who aren’t familiar with them, Individual Education Plans or IEPs as they are known on the “imperfect street,” can seem like just some harmless reams of paper stapled together. However, to those who have children with special needs, the IEP is deadly. In fact, according to an imperfect survey we recently conducted, the IEP is the leading cause of death among special needs parents. [Note: the margin of error on this survey is quite large since we were drinking wine when we conducted it.]
We would like to offer special parents a different perspective on the IEP: It should not be a source of stress, but rather, a source of humor. One need only review these actual IEP goals parents on our Facebook shared to prove our point:
“Katie will demonstrate crossing the midline in 8 out of 10 opportunities.”
“John will not take his clothes off at school in 7 out of 10 opportunities.”
“D will do homework if his parents see it to be appropriate. (BTW– they NEVER found it appropriate.) “
“Alex will work on holding his pencil the right way to form the letter right.”
“C will not get more than one F on any class assignment in any class during each card marking.”
“J will smile at least one time per day.”
“S will appear to be paying attention during instruction.”
“J will raise her hand 4 out of 5 times and have appropriate social interaction 4 of 6 times.”
“Ryan will climb stairs alternating feet without using a handrail.”
“DD is to sit in a chair during a lesson without crying for 3 minutes on 4 of 5 attempts.”
“L will control his meltdowns 7 out of 10 times.”
‘Wyatt will play on the playground without bumping into things or falling 8 out 10 times.”
“Grace will stay in the classroom 4 out of 5 times.” (FYI — she quietly “left” last year and was found in the parking lot an hour later.)
“C will brush her hair and make a ponytail for 4 out of 5 trials. (It actually was a useful OT goal.)”
“D will orient herself in space. I asked if she was training to be an astronaut.”
Tell us about a funny IEP goal on your child’s IEP.
“Zachary will resist the temptation to correct the teacher in front of the class.” When asked sarcastically, ” Young man, do you want to teach this class?” he responded quite seriously and enthusiastically, “YES!”.
Student will verbalized supplies needs for class 3 out of 5 times that he is asked. Please note: I teach SPED and this goal came from another school. He doesn’t actually need the supplies, he just has to tell us what he needs!
And the telekinesis award goes to: “B will improve functional communication by demonstrating the ability to regulate another’s behavior.”
It’s from my son’s IFSP, but “Mason will scream three times or less per HOUR.”
Sam will learn how to mix dangerous chemicals while remembering safety goggles 4 out of 6 times. (He was 8)
Hmmm… the IEP is also the most common cause of death (by suicide!) of SpEd teachers! – We share your pain…