Reports from a Resident Alien – Ten Things Everyone Should Know …

August 31st, 2010 | No Comments

Check out this great blog post about autism written by a successful adult with autism. It helps demystify some of the beliefs about autism. One belief  is that they don’t need love. While Gina’s daughter Katie is not as cuddly as some kids, she is extremely loving and compassionate.

Check out and post your comments. Oh yeah and share it with people in your life who don’t seem to understand autism.

Autism is found in adults at the same rate as kids. So where are the new cases coming from? They’re new diagnosis on the milder end, due to the definition of Asperger’s as a kind of autism without speech delay (it used to be that you couldn ‘t be ….. and the school was about to let me go into public school because I exceeded all of my goals in my IEP! I won’t explain the details (because there are too many), but since then, I’ve spent the last 8 years attempting to piece …

Jenn’s Story hits home page of CNN.com

August 30th, 2010 | No Comments

Check out this great story on Jennifer and Patty on CNN.com. After reading some of the comments, we’re amazed at how so many people could be so uninformed about mental illness. It just fuels us to work harder in our efforts to fight stigma. Let the Movement of Imperfection roll 0n (but first we need to cook dinner).

http://www.cnn.com/2010/HEALTH/08/30/bipolar.kids/index.html?hpt=C2

It’s No Surprise. They Really Aren’t that Bright

August 9th, 2010 | 3 Comments

For those of you just joining us, we thank you for becoming a member of our imperfect community. For those of you who know us, you know we’re not that bright. And while we may not be that bright, we are two of the luckiest not-so-bright people we know.

In celebration of our book being released, we were honored at two separate parties.
It was the culmination of family and friends gathered together to celebrate imperfection. Even our beloved Facebook “idol” Jackie flew up from the Sunshine State to attend the parties. We were stunned. We had to quickly check Facebook to see if the person standing in the driveway matched the profile picture.

“Whoa! Like that’s kinda sketchy.” remarked Patty’s daughter Jules.

And in all fairness to us, we really had no way of knowing that Jackie would be taking us by surprise but apparently everyone else did—including our mother.

“Ok, weren’t you guys just a little suspicious when we all became friends on Facebook?”

“Yeah, even your mother joined ‘Spacebook’.”

But Gina and Patty proved again the following day just how “not bright” they are. Patty was told her husband was taking her out to lunch, so she did what any good wife would do after coming home really late from the party the night before–she immediately placed a called to her sister while her husband went to get coffee.

“Michael wants to go out to lunch an hour away!! Does that make any sense? There are plenty of restaurants around here! Why lunch? Why can’t I sleep in and we go out to dinner instead?”

Gina was just as angry.

“Tell me about it. All of a sudden Mike has to go to a work party! How am I supposed to pack for my trip when I have to go to a work party? And you should see all the food he’s bringing. And Katie’s skirt is too short.”

So you can only imagine when Patty and Gina each walked in to their friend Rebecca’s house only to find their parents and another group of their beautifully imperfect friends on hand to surprise them.

“Aww, Pat, you know what this means?”

“Yes, it means we can’t trust anyone and that we really aren’t that bright.”

And while we know we aren’t that bright, we sure are lucky. To our beloved family and friends, thank you from the bottom of our hearts. Thank you for making this imperfect journey so memorable. You all have a special place in our heart and we will always treasure you. May God bless you.

Gina & Patty

Primping for Radio

August 5th, 2010 | No Comments

Today Patty will be live on the air with Krys Boyd on KERA Radio in North Texas from 1-2:00 PM.  Krys’ show is called “Think.”We find this rather ironic as anyone who knows Patty, knows that she’s not all that bright.  To prove that she’s not that bright, she’s been shopping for an outfit to wear for this radio interview. This is a live call-in show so please if you’re going to call, make sure your questions aren’t too difficult for Patty to answer.  You may want to stick with the basics such as “What is your favorite color?” or “How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?”  Do not confuse her with such complex questions like, “What is the fastest land animal?”  If you could, please avail yourself so if the questions become too difficult, Patty can phone a friend.

Lights, Camera, Imperfection!

August 3rd, 2010 | No Comments

Well, today we are on our way to our first television appearance to kick off our new book. We’re headed to West Hartford, CT, to visit the good folks at NBC 10. We had the privilege of visiting the station two years ago when we launched our self-published book. We remember it well. From the moment we walked in the door people were smiling at us and waving. We, were, of course, flattered and highly impressed.

“Wow Pat! Is it me or are they really excited to have us?”

“Oh, it’s definitely not just you. I noticed it too. In fact, I  think the weatherman just whistled at me.”

Yes, we were pretty convinced that we were the star attractions until Patty’s teen daughter, Jules, who accompanied us on the trip, had to burst our  respective bubbles.

“Like of course, they’re happy.  Duh! It’s Ice Cream Friday”  she said, pointing to a rolling ice cream cart.

Nonetheless, Jules’ newsflash did not deter us. “Well, that just makes this even sweeter.”

Happily, the interview went well, as we gathered when they presented us both with parting gifts. Patty was elated.  “A peppermint stick for me. That’s my favorite!  Thank you!”

But that was years ago. A lot has happened since then.  We’ve traveled around the country speaking with parents, caregivers, children,  and adults living with a wide range of disabilities. We’ve listened to their courageous and sometimes heartbreaking stories, and heard their voices when we were writing our new book.

As you would expect, we’re excited and a bit nervous. Excited because our television experience isn’t that extensive (save for our work on the Walmart security cameras). Nervous because we want to make sure that our message for the book rings loud and clear to parents who feel scared and alone. Yes, somewhere along our imperfect journeys, we realized this book isn’t just about us. It’s about all the amazing parents, grandparents,  caregivers, children, and teachers we’ve met along the way.

This one’s for you!

Sisters Behaving Badly – Start the Presses!

August 1st, 2010 | 2 Comments

Our new book, (Did we mention we wrote a book?), Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid, A Survival Guide for Ordinary Parents of Special Children, is about to release in two days. The good folks at Three Rivers Press are in full publicity mode, but we know that if we want this book to be super successful, we’re going to have to roll up our sleeves (well, we’ve been in somewhat of a heatwave, so we really don’t have sleeves) and do our part to drum up publicity of our own.  And that’s not so easy to do these days, especially when you have a positive message. Think about it…the national magazines, blogs, and television shows are filled with stories of people behaving badly. With those media hogs, Lindsey Lohan, Tiger Woods, and Kate and John Gosselin, it’s hard to get a  feel-good story about everyday imperfection a headline or two.

But don’t worry about us. If we’ve learned anything from raising our special kids, it’s how to be resilient. So if we can’t beat them, we will join them.

As a professional marketer, Gina has devised a plan to get our book some media attention so caregivers of special children can have hope they are not alone. Of course, when she presented the plan to Patty, the older, more conservative sister, Patty expressed some doubts. So rather than get into a sisterly squabble, we will share with you the publicity plan and let you weigh in if you think we’ve gone to far.

1) Balloon Sister.  Mirroring that media star Balloon Boy, Gina devised this brilliant plan. The difference will be that Patty will actually be launched with the balloon (not hide in her garage). This idea seemed to play well with Patty’s strengths (she’s full of hot air and loves to run away from home).

2) Crashgate 2. Anyone who knows Patty knows that she loves a good party. As a result, it seemed logical that she would enjoy a party at the White House. And now with invitations not required, she can just show up. Gina’s plan calls for Patty to show up unannounced wearing a Shut Up sandwich board.  And because she recently passed the “Bar” exam, Patty can fix her own drinks. “Pat, the Secret Service will hardly know you’re there.”

3) Bump-Its at the Beach. The other day, we watched the cast from Jersey Shore ring the bell at the New York Stock Exchange. We’re fascinated by the attention this group has been given. Why them and not us?  We’re 100% Italian, go to the gym,  and can often be seen at beaches (though we do prefer wetsuits to bikinis). We realized that we were lacking two key things — poofy hair like Snooki and an interesting name, such as the Situation. As a result, we are now wearing Bump-Its in our hair and answering to the names, “The Stress,” and “The Calamity.” Overall, our looks are going over quite well. “Pat, you look like That Girl!”

4) Prank phone calls to Mel Gibson.  With any luck, we can annoy him into calling us back, and making threats against us. Our recorders are all set to go.

5) Shark Week. For Discovery Channel fans, this is the week, we’ve all been waiting for — Shark Week. It just so happens that there have been Great White Sharks spotted on Cape Cod. In fact, one of the beaches in Chatham, MA has actually been closed due to the sightings.  Gina has asked Patty to capitalize on this opportunity. “Gene, I’m not sure about this. When you said you wanted to chum around, I thought we were just going to hang out in the water, not make me swim out in the middle of the ocean wearing a chum necklace.”

So let us know what you think?  Are we going too far or better yet, do you have any other ideas?

Go Directly to Jail. Do Not Pass Go. Do Not Collect $200. And Do Not Roll Your Eyes!

July 29th, 2010 | 1 Comment

The other day, a wonderful mother on the imperfect Shut Up About Your Perfect Kid Facebook fan page (http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Shut-Up-About-Your-Perfect-Kid/340015517888?ref=ts) posted a link about how the town of Elmhurst, Illinois, is seeking to make eye rolling illegal. [For those unfamiliar with this gesture, go ask a teenager to clean their room or request to hang with her (or him) and their friends at the mall.]

According to The Consumerist, this unusual request “stems from a recent city council meeting where an Elmhurst resident was ejected from the room after rolling her eyes in reaction to something that was said by a council member.” As a result, “Members of the Elmhurst city council have asked the City Attorney to look into the creation of a new ‘disturbance and disorderly conduct’”charge.

While we are both strong proponents of a kinder, gentler society (despite what our “Shut Up” book title may imply), we have several concerns. First, we are worried that this legislation might take flight and land here in Massachusetts. Gina is particularly concerned since one of her family members would serve significant time for this infraction — her husband. This is one of his favorite gestures, especially when he’s mowing the lawn with his iPod on and Gina needs to communicate some vital piece of information to him. For example:

“Mike, can you follow me to the gas station? I think I’m running out of gas.”

He rolls his eyes so often that Gina is concerned about the medical implications. “Didn’t your mother ever tell you that your eyes will get stuck that way? Don’t come crying to me when your cross-eyed.”

He also rolls just as often with his daughters, who rely on him for protection. “Daddy help! There’s a sugar ant in my room. I’m scared. Can you go get it?”

There’s little doubt that if this eye rolling legislation were to come to Massachusetts, Mike would probably be locked up for life, which concerns Gina on a whole other level.

“That’s not fair! How come you get to get locked up in prison while I have to stay here with the kids?”

Patty shares Gina’s disdain for the proposed law as well. For different reasons.

“Gene, this is ridiculous. We’re becoming entirely too politically correct. Next thing you know, we won’t be allowed to give the Loser signal or stick our tongues out at people. What’s this world coming to?”

And it’s also made her very cautious about electing government officials.

“Yes, Governor Patrick. Thank you for sharing your view on illegal immigration. But what I really want to know is: What’s your stance on eye rolling?”

Tell us what you think of the legislation.

Ready or Not, Here I Go

July 21st, 2010 | 1 Comment

by Imperfect Patty

Summer vacation is in full swing. Many parents (i.e., those on medication) enjoy this valuable opportunity to spend quality time with their children, get assistance around the house, and sleep in.  Sadly, though, these benefits come at a very high cost; the cost of losing something that is essential to our very survival – our privacy. Yup for eight grueling weeks, we have to conduct our daily activities knowing our children are among us (sound bite: “They’re baaaaaaack!”).

Now, at the table where we used to quietly sip coffee and peruse the morning paper, we have to block out the snap, crackle, pop of our children gnawing on cereal.  At the desks where we used to quietly crank out our work and freely complain about our children on Facebook, we have them lurking over our shoulders, censoring our posts. “Don’t write that! You’re so embarrassing.”

Fortunately, we have uncovered a few proven, cost-effective, and simple ways to take back the privacy we so deserve. And because we’ve become so attached to all of the folks in our imperfect community, we’ve decided to share them with you and proudly present… (drumroll please)

The Ten Best Places to Hide (from your Children)

1)    The walk-in closet. A walk-in closet is not just ideal for pretending your house is clean for company (by throwing everything in it). It’s also a great way to hide from your children. We especially like the ones with shelves that allow you to store essential items – pens, paper, trail mix, a box of wine, etc. If you don’t have a walk-in closet, consider moving to a house that has one or marrying someone who can build you one. If your current spouse has that capability, renew your vows with him.

2)    A walk-in freezer. Sure it’s great to have extra storage for slabs of meat, but you may be surprised to learn that a walk-in freezer is actually a nice respite for parents. Just be sure to make sure you don’t lock yourself in (Brady Bunch fans know how scary that can be).

3)   The Shrubs. Those overgrown shrubs you’ve been concerned about trimming are an actual asset to your home. In fact, some shrubs (like a healthy rhodendrum, for example), can comfortably accommodate up to two full-size parents.

4)    A tree house. Who says tree houses are just for Keebler elves? Consider taking over your children’s tree house and asking other neighbors to join you for your own hide-from-the-kids club?

5)    Pools. If you have a pool, consider taking scuba diving lessons and spending quality time underwater. Be sure to buy an extra large oxygen tank.

6)    The kitchen table. Most kitchen tables provide ample room for you to hide. Avoid purchasing glass tables at all costs. You’ll have a lot more to worry about than just fingermarks.

7)    Your neighbor’s house. It is critical that you select a neighbor who is safe. By safe we mean, he or she:  1) doesn’t have children or plan to have any in the future; 2) will not pass judgment on you or what you may bring over with you; and 3) has no problem openly lying to helpless children (or husbands).

8)    Your car. Today’s automobiles are constructed with space efficiency in mind, which should provide you with plenty of room to conceal yourself. If your car is in the garage, make sure it is not on. This is particularly important if you own a Toyota.

9)    The oven. And you thought that double oven was for cooking. Surprise. It’s for you!

10)  Fireplace. Santa didn’t choose the fireplace just for convenience. No, he wanted to avoid seeing children. A fireplace is an ideal place to hide, provided of course, that the fire is not lit.

We also advise to avoid wearing heavy perfumes for the summer. While that Jean Nate or Old Spice may make you feel fresh; it actually emits a strong detection signal to your children.

These are just a few tips that have been successful for us.  Remember though, every house is unique and offers its own little charm (or hiding place).  For example, that Lazy Susan can actually fit a Susan. And that hideaway bed isn’t just for sleepovers.

Just be sure to enjoy your time away.  Remember that parenthood is a life sentence and that every  parent deserves a (prison) break for good behavior.

If you can’t stand the heat…

July 6th, 2010 | 1 Comment

Get your kids to make friends with some kid with a pool.

Blog by Gina (the smarter Shut Up sister)

The mercury is rising. And it’s not just from the normal stuff in my household like receiving bad news calls from the school or frequent eye rolls from my teenager. This time, it’s due to a more traditional reason – we’re having a full-fledged New England heatwave. And there’s just something about a house with six skylights, no air conditioning, and two fighting special needs children that makes me cranky. I have no energy to cook, clean, or balance my checkbook, though my husband has assured me that this is  all quite normal.

“Gene, you don’t do any of that in optimal weather conditions.”

The most difficult part of managing the heat is dealing with that burning question my children pose to me year after year, day after day, nanosecond after nanosecond:

“Mooooooooooooooooom, can we pllllllllllllllllllease get a pool?”

Given the economic conditions and rising costs of pharmaceuticals and co-pays (our family’s biggest expenses), the prospect of my family getting a pool is weak at best. In fact, I’m pretty sure my kids  (“Mom! Help! We’re out of popsicles!!!! What do I do?”) have a better chance of winning Survivor than getting a pool.  I actually feel guilty telling them that because…well… I always had a pool as a kid and I loved every second of it.  I’m pretty sure I spent my first 12 years underwater.  (“Mom, I didn’t hear you calling me to do chores. I was in the pool.”)

In extreme weather conditions like this, even I sometimes find myself asking for one. “Mike, can we get a pool? Please, please, I promise I’ll clean our room.” But than my husband reminds me of one important fact – we’re not smart enough to own a pool. You see, chemistry was never one of our better subjects, which is why we didn’t do so well with one of those small inflatable soft pools we tried several years ago.

“Gene, do you think the water is supposed to be black?”

“I’m not sure, Mike, but I’m pretty sure a pool this size isn’t supposed to have a 9-foot deep end.”

Sure, we’ve tried to make it up to our kids by taking them to the beach or joining community pools. We’ve even encouraged them to proactively find their own solutions. “OK kids, I’ve mapped out all of the houses of kids with pools. Go friend them.”

But anyone who has a pool knows that it’s just not the same.  There’s nothing about doing a cannonball  (or in my case, hiding in a bathing suit) in your own back yard.

But if my children’s  disabilities have taught them anything, it’s how to be resilient. I was particularly proud of my 11-year-old daughter with non-verbal learning disability today when I picked her up after the first day of camp. With her difficulty understanding the nuances of communication, I have often worried that she didn’t fully understand our stance on getting a pool. But today, I realized she gets the message, loud and clear.

“Mom, I met this new girl at camp.  She has a pool and a hot tub with a cabana. Yeah, yeah, don’t worry. I’m working on hooking up with her.”

Sleep Kid Sleep!

June 28th, 2010 | 1 Comment

When we were young, we hated that popular childhood ritual known as the sleepover. That’s because we both have  always shared a mutual love of sleeping.

“Pat, I really like to sleep. I’m good at it.”

“I’m the same way, Gene. I think it’s why I might be OK with death.”

But anyone who ever been involved in a sleepover knows that they really have nothing to do with sleeping.

Even our younger children have learned this.

“Mommy, can Samantha come over for an awakeover?”

For a long time, we thought it was impossible to despise sleepovers any more than we did in childhood. But then we became mothers and learned to take our hatred to a whole new level of intensity.

Don’t get us wrong;  we’re not  opposed to all kinds of sleepovers. In certain situations, (such as those involving us sleeping away from our homes), sleepovers are not just warranted; they’re ideal. (“Girls Night Away? We’re in!”)

We’re also staunch supporters and advocates of  sleepovers that involve our children staying at other people’s houses.

“Quick Mike, let’s peel out of here before they change their minds.”

But there’s one type of sleepover we’ll always despise –  those that involve other children staying at our home.  That’s because our love of sleep is in direct contrast to the primary objective of sleepover attendees – to scream all night long and drive sleep-deprived parents to the brink of insanity.

As Christians and loving mothers, we’ve tried to work through our hatred, often posing a difficult question:

WWJD? What would June Cleaver Do?

Well, we can ascertain one thing. June would never, ever refuse to grant a special child a sleepover. When other kids want to play with a special child, you have no choice, but to cave. Yup, sometimes, you just have to  swallow your pride (and your Paxil) and take one for the imperfect team.

But that doesn’t stop us from working our hardest to ensure we (err, we mean the children) get a fitful night of sleep.

“OK kids, who wants a Sominex Smoothie?”

“Mrs. Gallagher why do you have those whale sounds playing in  Emmy’s room?”

As much as we’ve tried, none of these and other clever  strategies (tranquilizer guns, Benadryl brownies, bedtime reading of our mortgage deed) seem to work. Invariably, the kids end up staying up all night, leaving us to pick up the pieces of our life, the  morning after.

“OK kids, thanks for coming. Great to have you. Here’s your breakfast.  Just be sure to eat your pancakes before they melt the paper bag.”