Back By Popular Demand — Guest Blogger, Diane Mierzwik

May 16th, 2012 | No Comments

Today, we have a special treat. Don’t get too excited, it’s not ice cream. But it is just as good — with far less calories. In fact, we’re pretty sure this treat comes with no calories or trans fats. Plus, when you laugh, you get an ab workout. What’s not to love?   Please join us in welcoming back Guest Blogger, Diane Mierzwik. Be sure to read her recent work below and sign up for her blog. You’ll be glad you did. Take it away Diane…

 

I may have been a bit judgmental before I had my own child. It’s so easy to tell others how to do something after you’ve read a book or watched a show and witnessed how easily it can work, but lack first-hand experience.

Then I had my own child and everyone was more than willing to give me advice.

“Let him cry it out,” I was told when he was still a wee thing and suffering separation anxiety.

“Spanking is the only way to get through to them at that age,” I was told after the cherub threw a tantrum because I would not allow him to pull every bag of chips within reach off the shelves of the grocery store.

“If you’d be quiet, he’d talk more,” I was told when my three year old looked to me to articulate the things we both knew were in his head but he couldn’t get his mouth to say.

“You better have another one soon,” I was told as if another child would solve my poor parenting skills.

Every child is unique. Therefore, every parent and every parenting approach must be unique. But it is especially difficult to listen to well-meaning advice when your child has non-apparent disabilities, but everyone else thinks they know just what your child needs – it’s apparent to them.

“Don’t let him have a drink of water until he can say it correctly,” I was told by a well-meaning colleague when I handed my son his sippy cup even though he hadn’t said “cup” clearly enough for her.

“Make him read for twenty minutes each night and he’ll become a better reader,” I was told by a parent whose children were reading before they started kindergarten. She didn’t know that my son was dyslexic.

It always made me think of telling a parent whose child was in a wheelchair, “Just make him walk for twenty minutes each day, and I’m sure he’ll become a great walker.”

Things are not always as simple as they look, including the perplexed look on my face.

 “Just wait,” one friend told me after she explained the trouble her teenage son was getting into. She must have thought the look on my face said, “Won’t happen to me.”

Actually, I was thinking “Exactly what will this look like for me?”

It has taken me awhile to accept my own parenting skills and to accept that these skills, lacking as they may be, are my best effort. Accepting that about myself has allowed me to accept that about others.

When I talk to my sister-in-law about her adult son and how everyone in the family is blaming her for the trouble he is now in, for raising him wrong, I reassure her. “You did the best you could. That’s all any of us is doing.”

I just hope she remembers that love and acceptance when my cherub decides it’s a good idea to put toilet water in a squirt gun and then squirt everyone at the picnic.

For more great blogs from Diane, visit weeklyaffirmations.com. Tell her the Shut Up Sister sent you.

 

 

 

Attention “Chicken Soup” Lovers — Stories Wanted

May 16th, 2012 | 2 Comments

Got a story to share about your child with autism or Asperger’s? We thought you’d might like to hear about this great opportunity to share it from Chicken Soup for The  Soul. Mmmm, we get hungry just thinking about chicken soup. Details below.

 

New Chicken Soup for the Soul Book:
For Parents of Children with Autism or Asperger’s

If you are the parent of a child, from newborn to college age, with autism or Asperger’s, the folks at Chicken Soup for Soul invite  you to share your story about raising your child – the ups and downs, the effect on your family and marriage, your child’s special attributes and talents, and the lighter moments too. These stories will provide advice, comfort and insight to other parents in the same situation.

Please send us only non-fiction stories and poems written in the first person of no more than 1,200 words. These must be your personal stories – things that happened to you or someone you were close to. You may use a “pen name” on your story. Your story should not have been previously published by Chicken Soup for the Soul or other major publications.

Here are some suggested topics, but we know you can think of many more:

How you first recognized the symptoms
Meeting the challenges of everyday life
Academic struggles or brilliance
Good and bad experiences with school administrations
Appreciating your child for exactly who he/she is
Helping your child build a social life
Successful treatments – what has worked for you
Helping siblings and family members cope
The effect on your marriage and personal relationships
The importance of taking time for yourself
The importance of a support system
The lighter side
The positive side – benefits of autism or Asperger’s

Please remember, we do not like “as told to” stories. Please write in the first person about yourself or someone close to you. If you ghostwrite a story for someone else we will list his or her name as the author. If a story was previously published, we will probably not use it unless it ran in a small circulation venue. Let us know where the story was previously published in the “Comments” section of the submission form. If the story was published in a past Chicken Soup for the Soul book, please do not submit it.

If your story is chosen, you will be a published author and your bio will be printed in the book if you so choose. You will also receive a check for $200 and 10 free copies of your book, worth more than $100. You will retain the copyright for your story and you will retain the right to resell it.

SUBMISSIONS GO TO http://www.chickensoup.com/
Select the Submit Your Story link on the left tool bar and follow the directions.

DEADLINE IS September 30th.
We plan to publish the book on April 2, 2013, for Autism Awareness Month.
CONTACT US

A Brush of Joy and Thanks for Mother’s Day

May 15th, 2012 | No Comments

Over the years, most of us moms  have received some type of gift from our spouses or children. And while it’s great to have a day of the year when our spouses and children throw love and gifts at us to show their appreciation, it’s not the money spent on the gifts that matter. It’s the value.  This past Mother’s Day our dear friend Jackie, the mother of Harry, a seven-year-old with autism, got a Mother’s Day Gift she never could have imagined from her young son — a major milestone achieved.  What made Harry’s milestone so amazing is that he is orally sensitive and has eating issues.

View the video 036

 

 

 

, we’d like to share this heartwarming video. Congratulations Jackie and Happy Mother’s Day! (Perhaps this will encourage our children to brush better).

Announcing Our Newest Shut Up Contest — “Show Us Your Issues!”

May 9th, 2012 | 1 Comment

Are you proud of your imperfection? Have we got a contest for you — our “Show  Us Your Issues in Public” Contest.  Simply show us a photo of you in a public place wearing a Got Issues t-shirt and you’ll be automatically entered  in our contest. We’ll select 10 finalists and then open the polls for an imperfect vote. Winners will receive a $50 Target gift card. Entries must be received by May 28. Winner will be announced on May 31.  Finalists will be selected for:

• Boldness of public display (Note: You must balance safety with boldness — no photos on the White House lawn please)
• Use of  humor
• Creativity
• Swimsuit appearance (just kidding)

To submit your entry, email us at info@shutupabout.com. To order a “Got Issues?” t-shirt if you don’t have one, visit our Shut Up Store.   If you can’t afford a shirt, make your own with a magic market. It just has to say “Got Issues!” Good luck, and may the best imperfect win!

 

 

A Moment of Gratitude

May 6th, 2012 | 2 Comments

When you are a parent of a special needs child, it’s sometimes hard to focus on the positive. Watching our children struggle to be accepted or to do the things that come so easily to “typical” children can be difficult. But then, a moment comes along when our special children do something that just takes our breath away. Sometimes it’s the little things — such as tying their shoes for the first time or making a new friend. These little moments remind us of how far they’ve come and of just how blessed we are to experience it with them. This past weekend, Gina had one of those moments when she watched her daughter Katie with Apsperger’s, act in her school play. Afterwards, she wrote Katie a poem to sum up how she felt.

To My Precious Katie,

All those days of watching you struggle to fit in.

All those years of looking at you, thinking you were too thin.

All those times I cried for you when you could not find a friend.

All those moments I wished I could somehow make your pain end.

All those years listening to people tell me you were not right.

Of getting them to understand you, and always having to fight.

All those periods of uncertainty, fear of what each day would bring.

Of worrying about your future and if a man would give you a ring.

All those times I tried to change you and praying for a cure.

Never realizing that what I had with you  was so very pure.

All those years of thinking your disability was a cross to bear.

Of looking at your quirks and wanting them to somehow disappear.

But then comes a moment when I get to see you in the light.

And see so clearly, so truly, that the way you are is right.

Your compassion, strength, and heart is like no other.

I’m  just amazed that God chose me…to be your mother.

 

I am so proud of you today — and always.

Love,
MOM

 

Attention Love Boat Fans! P and G invite you to Shut Up and Buddy Cruise with Us

May 5th, 2012 | No Comments

In celebration of Cinco de Mayo (sometimes referred to as “Drinko de Mayo), we are pleased to announce our first annual Shut Up excursion on the High Seas — Shut Up & Buddy Cruise.  Join us as we cruise from Tampa, FL, to beautiful Cozumel, Mexico on Royal Caribbean’s Jewel of the Seas, March 7 – 11, 2013. Take along your imperfect friends, family members or children; there’s truly something for everyone.  Don’t worry, the Shut Up Sisters will not be steering the boat (They turned us down on that, but will allow us to consume margaritas). You can hold your reservation with a $200 deposit per cabin.  For rates and itinerary information, visit our friends at buddycruise.org. Click on the button that says “Shut Up” then call 1-877-239-2789 and select menu option 4.  We hope to see you there.

Happy 1st Birthday in Heaven, Mother. And Yes, We’ll Dust Our Mini Blinds.

May 1st, 2012 | 2 Comments

Today is a very bittersweet day for us, as it marks our mother’s first birthday in Heaven. While the pain of no longer having her with us is deep, we take comfort in the fact that she is spending her birthday with the person who loved her most in this world — her beloved mother Clara.  And though our mother may be gone from our earthly lives, the lessons and love she gave us will be with us, and our children, forever.

Those who knew our mother knew she was had a beautiful heart filled with compassion. She was also a natural born connector, connecting people to others and to God. She was also extremely humorous, sometimes without trying to be. And in the spirit of her wonderful humor and her lifelong commitment to protecting her children from every danger known to man (we joked that she subscribed to Tragedy magazine), we thought we’d share some of our favorite advice from our mother.

“Be careful of falling bath tubs at the Home Depot. Do you know more people get crushed each year?”

“Always wear clean underwear in case you get in an accident.”

“Stay away from heated car seats, more people burn their asses off on those.”

“Don’t throw that food away. Freeze it!” (Note, our mother’s solution for nearly any problem in life was to freeze it.)

“If you just pick up after yourself, your house will look clean.”

“Never go to bed mad at your spouse.” (Patty broke that on the Honeymoon)

“Put baby oil on countertops to give them a healthy sheen.”

“There’s nothing worse that walking into a house and seeing dusty curtains.”

“What does your husband think of you not having dinner waiting for him?”

“If you make your eyes go cross-eyed, they will get stuck that way.”

“Don’t pluck. It just makes hair grow back faster.”

“Your hair is flat. Do you want me to tease it?” (we didn’t have the heart to tell her we were against bullying.)

“Never sit on public toilet seats. They are loaded with germs.”

“Take your rings off when making meatballs. They’re loaded with germs.” (She insisted on telling this to Gina who doesn’t cook).

“Wash your hands after church.”

“Do you know what has the most germs in a hotel room? The TV clicker. Make sure to pack Lysol.”

“Don’t tell people where you are on Facebook.” (She was not at all happy when Gina  posted that picture of Patty hanging on the Liberty Bell).

“Drink 8 glasses of water a day.”

“Can I ask a personal question. How often do you pee?”

What advice did your Mom have for you growing up?  We’d love to hear it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Words of Wisdom

April 29th, 2012 | No Comments

We heard this quote today while speaking at a conference in Moorestown, NJ.  We couldn’t agree more.
“Motherhood is about raising and celebrating the child you have, not the child you thought you would have. It’s about understanding that he is exactly the person he is supposed to be. And that, if you’re lucky, he just might be the teacher that turns you into the person you are supposed to be.” – Joan Ryan

More Work from Abby

April 18th, 2012 | 2 Comments

Back by popular demand! Poetry from Abby, the talented nine-year-old young lady with Asperger’s. Abby fans will recall her last work, What I don’t like.”  Today, she shares what she does like. Give it up for Abby; we’re huge fans of her work!

 

I like to be the best in school.
I like the color pink, it’s pretty cool.

I like to write and draw.
I like my drinks with a straw.

I like things neat and in their place.
I like to laugh when my dad makes a silly face.

I like to swim and could do it all day long.
I like to sing to my favorite song.

I like to collect many things.
I like each hand to have lots of rings.

I like my cat, he’s my best friend.
I like to finish a poem to the end.

Meet Today’s Guest Blogger – Wendy Madere

April 17th, 2012 | No Comments

As part of our Guest Blogger series, we’re proud to introduce today’s blogger, Wendy Madere (virtual applause now please). It’s often been said that the process of learning your child has a disability can feel like a mourning process for parents, as they have to mourn the loss of the “perfect life” they had planned for their children.Wendy shares her view about this in her blog below.  Please take a moment to read it and to visit Wendy’s blog page.

Take 2 and call me in the morning (wait cut that by half, add this, and we’ll hope for the best)

My mind and heart have been in turmoil for the past two weeks. I was doing ok with D’s issues but things have become compounded.

For the most part, I’m in the acceptance stage of grief. The five stages are denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. When you experience a life changing event such as divorce, death, and illness you work through the stages. I have done that with D’s diagnoses.

Learning that D had ADHD wasn’t life changing. We went through a slew of bad doctors before finding the perfect child psychiatrist for us. We tried different medications and types of therapy to help him. We were ok with the fact that he needed help with his impulsivity and focus. But, when I was faced with the fact that our son was mentally ill and would likely always have to deal with depression, anxiety, mood disorders, and now a pervasive developmental disorder I felt like I was punched in the gut. I thought/felt:
1. Denial-The doctors are wrong (ALL of them). They just don’t know MY son. They are just trying to drug him.
2. Anger- I can’t believe these people don’t understand my son. All kids are like this!!!!! They throw fits and cry and scream and yell. They can’t sit still or pay attention. This is just stupid.

To finish reading this post, visit Wendy’s blog.

Tell us what part of the mourning cycle you struggle with.