We just don’t get it. Why do our special children always tell us we’re “bad parents” for making them go to the dentist (“Mom, I’ll never forgive you) or wearing tags in their clothes (“Emily Rose don’t you dare remove that horse from the front of your shirt. Do you know how much I overpaid for that?”) when other mothers do worse things than that. Take Kendra Wilkinson, the former Playboy bunny and reality TV star. You may know her as one of Hugh Hefner’s three beautiful live-in Playboy Bunny girlfriends and star of the reality show, The Girls Next Door. (While we’re on the subject of that, we never quite understood that show title. I mean the girl who lives next door to me is a lovely older woman, Agnes, who walks around in a housecoat watering flower beds.)
This week, breaking news came out that this particular “Girl Next Door” is now the star of two sex tapes, the latest of which will release soon. In her single days, this might have been easier for her to take. But now that she’s a mother, she’ll have some ‘splaining to do to her young son Hank, Jr., when he grows up. At least she won’t need to go to the measures some of us special mothers do to bring kids to our homes (“I’ll give you some candy if you play with my daughter.”) No sir, her son will have boys knocking down his door. (“Mom, can you not wear the bunny tail when my friends come over?”)
Anyway, it’s all just so awkward. What mother wants their children to see them in this way? I felt bad when my teen daughter caught me in my Spanx. “Mother Ewww! Don’t tell me you’ve taken up biking? Please don’t wear those in public.”
Kendra’s even got it worse than all that; she’s put this out there for the whole world to see. I just can’t imagine millions of perverted strangers watching her perform for the cameras. Heck, I get nervous just knowing people are watching me peruse the medicine aisle on the Walmart cameras. (“Check it out Boss. This one’s buying Metamucil.”) I also feel really bad for Kendra’s nice, professional-football-star husband, Hank Baskett. That poor guy must go into cardiac arrest when the coach calls the team in on Mondays to “break down” film. It must cause him a near breakdown. “Dear God in Heaven, please let it just be the video of our humiliating loss and my six fumbles.”
I’m sure Hank never expected this type of past from a “Girl Next Door.” It’s certainly going to make me take a closer look at Agnes. Who knows what’s under that housecoat?
So if Kendra can admit she has a sex tape, you can admit you’re not always a perfect mother. So go ahead, give us one of your imperfect mother confessions. Or better yet, send them to us on film.